She's a Wintergirl
by CoachLover18
Summary: She hates her body. All she sees is fat, fat, fat. She's playing in a deadly game...how far will she go? "You're not dead, but you're not alive. You're a wintergirl..." Story about anorexia. *title change* *Note that this has nothing to do with the book Wintergirls, but real life experiences...*
1. Chapter 1

**Yup I'm starting another story...this one should get updated pretty fast though. This first chapter is just a short intro before the first chapter that I'll probably post at the end of the week as well as update for my other Nanny Stories.  
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**I felt with this week being National Eating Disorder Awareness Week that it would be the perfect time to finally get this story up and running...so please tell me if you like it and if I should continue.**

**And this story will mostly be in all C.C.'s POV.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**R&R (:**

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><p>For as long as I can remember, I've been under the pressure to stay small...or in other words perfect. Whether if it was from family, my mother mostly, the media, or even <em>him...<em>weight has always been an issue.

My mother never let me eat certain things, when I snuck them and she caught me she said, "Now C.C. do you really think you should be eating that...your thighs are already bigger than other girls your age and you're already pushing it past a size 5." She even went as far as putting a lock on the refrigerator. _I would never be perfect in her eyes..._

__I saw stick thin models in the magazines, on runways...they were small...they were perfect. Thin people were everywhere in the media. _I wanted to be just like them...I had to be..._

__Even _he_ had things to say about my weight..."You'd have to be dead six months to fit into it!"

All I knew was...that I would do _anything_ to be smaller...whatever it took...**I'd get there.**

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><p><strong>~Love is Louder than the pressure to be perfect~<strong>


	2. You let yourself go

**Warning: This story may become triggering for anyone with any type of eating disorder/problem.**

**Sorry for the long wait...I got really busy with school, but thanks for the reviews so far (:**

**Please R&R (:**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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><p>"You really let yourself go CC…" I can't help but think as I stare in disbelief at myself in the mirror, clad in only my red lacy bra and panties. <strong>I'm gross<strong>. **I'm fat**. I inwardly groan as I pinch the fat on my upper thighs.

I turn to the side and examine my backside; it's huge and shapeless. I notice the amount of cellulite on the backs of my thighs. I see back fat and when I turn back to the front I pinch at all the fat my stomach held.

_'Why can't it be flat…'_

I lift my arms and see the wobbly fat…the armpit fat too. I look at myself as a whole. I _**hate**_ what I see. All I see is a fat waste. I shake my head, ashamed that I let myself get this way. I head for the bathroom to weigh myself. My thunder thighs jiggle as I walk.

I reach the bathroom and pull out the ball and chain of doom and reluctantly step on. I _**hate**_ what I see. **187 pounds**. As I step off the scale, I sink down to the floor leaning against my bathtub.

I haven't had these feelings of hatred toward my body for a while. It's what that Domestic said earlier that left me with my _**triggering**_ thoughts.

** *Flashback***

I saw Nanny Fine walking around in an ill-fitting sparkly red dress and looked on in disgust at the scene in front of me.

"I wouldn't be caught dead in that!" I exclaimed and of course Lemon Bowl Fresh just had to make a comment.

"You'd have to be dead six months to fit into it!"

** *End Flashback***

As I thought about what he said, I painfully realized he was right. I'd _**never**_ be able to fit into anything like that. **I'm a whale**. I'd never look like her in that dress.

I secretly envied Nanny Fine because of her slim size two figure. She could just eat everything and still remain **so small**.

Things had to change. I had to lose weight…one way or another. I'd have to do whatever it took to shed the pounds and fast.

I got up off the floor, put on my robe, and walked into the kitchen; hating the fact that I could feel my thighs rubbing together when I walked.

_'I **hate** my thighs…'_

As I reach the counter, I see the leftover Chinese food I put out for dinner when I came home.

I look at it as if it were **poison**…before throwing it away.

I reach in the refrigerator and grab the salad and a bottle of water. I look at the back of the bag of salad and read the nutritional information.

_'Serving size one cup and a half…15 calories…perfect!'_

I reach for the measuring cup and a bowl. I pour the salad into the measuring cup until I get the serving size of a cup and a half and I dump it into my bowl.

I don't use dressing.

_'It'd go straight to my **thighs**.'_

**Dinner.**

I walk over to my couch with my salad and bottle of water.

"This is **all** I'll have…for the rest of the night…"

_'I can do this…**I will do this**…'_


	3. AN Important!

**So as of today, I've been on here for four years…it went by fast…**

**So this isn't a chapter update, I just wanted to know if you wanted me to continue writing this story…I have chapter 2 written. I've taken a break because of it triggering me, but it doesn't matter anymore since I've already gotten off track.**

**And yes I changed the tittle again. It was Love is Louder, then Going Under, and now She's a Wintergirl.**

**So yeah do you want to see this continued? Discontinued? Or possibly even take over the story…**


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